We are back with another talk-along as we watched Five Go to Smuggler’s Top. Stay tuned to read how we compare clothing to ice-cream flavours and discuss how much makeup Block is wearing.

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[The episode opens with men in historical soldiers’ uniforms trying to stop some men who were unloading barrels from a boat.]

Stef: I like the scene setting.

Stef: A bit of background is good.

Fiona: It’s like a historical reenactment.

Fiona: Quicksand!!!

Stef: Very very quicksand.

Fiona: Life just doesn’t contain as much quicksand as children’s TV would make you believe.

[Kirrin Cottage. It’s very windy. Julian wakes up and looks out of the window before yelling to everyone to get downstairs as a tree is coming down on the cottage.]

Stef: Oh no the storm!

Stef: How can anyone sleep through Timmy barking?!

Fiona: Sorry Marco but you don’t do the book lines justice there.

Stef: No, not enough urgency.

Stef: How does Julian know that tree is falling?

Fiona: HE CAN HEAR ITS TERRIBLE GROANS AND CREAKS.

Stef: They’re in the study!

Fiona: I wasn’t looking, sorry. [Obviously I was too busy quoting the book to be watching the screen]

Stef: Looks like Miss Havisham’s house

Stef: All the lace flying everywhere.

Stef: WHY IS FRANCES ALLOWED TO GO UPSTAIRS FOR BLANKETS WHEN THERE IS A STRUCTURAL DAMAGE ISSUE?

Fiona: Hahaha.

Fiona: She’s expendable.

[Quentin pulls out a letter from Mr Lenoir and decides the children can go and stay with him, though there’s an argument about Timmy not being allowed.]

Fiona: Pete [as opposed to Sooty] ugh.

Stef: Look at UQ coming up with an idea.

Fiona: Foisting the children on someone else is probably always on his mind.

Stef: Ugly Pull Over time

Stef: Why can’t J, D & A’s parents have them?

Fiona: George has her mint choc chip cardi on.

Stef: Matching set.

Fiona: Frances must have gone back up again to get all the clothes.

Stef: How stupid do they have to be to realise that George won’t go without Tim?

Fiona: Isn’t the bathroom upstairs too?

Stef: Probably

Fiona: I know, but it’s the same in the book.

[They head off sans Timmy to Smuggler’s Top.]

Stef: Open boot for the car!

Stef: They really don’t care about Tim

Stef: Good old Alf.

Fiona: They barely went round the corner.

Stef: Cursory Alf sighting.

Fiona: The book makes it seem much more sneaky.

Stef: Yes it does.

Fiona: WTF is that?

Stef: Which bit?

Fiona: “Smuggler’s Top”

Stef: Yeah it’s bad.

Fiona: It ain’t smuggly and it’s not top.

Stef: Nope

Stef: Mr Barling

Fiona: Also unconvincing marshes.

Stef: Looks like a castle. Thanks Dick, took the words right out of my text.

[Arriving at Smuggler’s Top and go through a very visible hole in the wall which is apparently a secret passage, then up to ‘Pete’s’ room via a more secret secret passage.]

Fiona: Looks better on the inside.

Stef: They aren’t subtle about hiding Timmy!

Stef: No Mirabelle.

Fiona: Ohh I remember now how annoying Sooty’s voice is.

Stef: Yes. Is not the best Sooty.

Stef: Anne not quibbling about secret passages for a change.

Fiona: They do love a whacking great open hole instead of a secret passage.

Fiona: That’s better. Actually secret.

Stef: Julian with a torch handy as always.

Stef: HOW DOES HE MISS THE HANDLE! HE’S GOT THE TORCH!

Fiona: Indeed. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a rope about him somewhere too.

Stef: Wound around his waist!

Fiona: Sooty’s room is very small and cluttered.

Stef: Yes. For a whole wing to himself.

Fiona: But at least it has a window seat.

Stef: Why did she bring Timmy in the first place when she knew Mr Lenoir doesn’t want Timmy there?!

Fiona: Mr Barling looks insane.

[Block comes to tell them they are expected downstairs.]

Fiona: Block is pretty decent.

Stef: This Block is very creepy.

Fiona: Hahah @ Dick.

Stef: “Ever since they dug him up.”

Fiona: He does look like something out of an old horror movie.

Fiona: Maybe more desiccated vampire.

Stef: Yes, loudly shout about your father’s temperament.

Stef: She’s very robust for Mrs Lenoir.

Fiona: I was just thinking that.

Fiona: Not sure George is looking her most boyish despite the clothes.

Stef: Agreed.

Stef: George taking all the sandwiches for Tim.

[At this point Stef sends me a voice memo which is her attempting to imitate Sooty except I can’t work out what on earth it is cause it’s just noise.]

Fiona: Also isn’t it catacombs not catacoombs?

[Pete shows them the catacombs so Timmy can go out for a walk.]

Stef: Rather sensible for Julian asking if Pete knows the way.

Fiona: Real caves/tunnels.

Stef: Julian always grabs Dick’s jumper to help out of the holes and tunnels.

[They bump into Mr Barling in the town.]

Stef: Barling isn’t eccentric enough.

Fiona: I’d say he is quite eccentric.

Stef: They are too loose lipped. Why isn’t Julian correcting them both?

[Meal time because the Five always have to eat.]

Stef: The door hadn’t closed before he said he’d get some for Timmy.

Stef: What happened to raiding the larder?

Fiona: How is he going to sneak a bowl of stew?

Stef: EXACTLY

Stef: They buy Timmy meat in the book don’t they?

Fiona: Yeah I think so.

Fiona: Though I think they also say it would be suss to go buying meat.

[Julian and Dick wake Pete to show him a light flashing from the tower, and they go to check it’s not Block.]

Stef: Worried stare out the window from Julian again. Becomes a bit of a trade mark.

Fiona: He’s EMOTING.

Fiona: Or constipated.

Stef: That’s not a sleeping person.

Fiona: Why would there be a guest in Block’s room?

Stef: I don’t understand how they have seen that light because the layout of this house isn’t clear!

Stef: FFS, the moment I saw that silhouette I could see that was Block.

Fiona: In the book there’s only one place the tower can be seen from because of the angle it’s built at. Riddle that also.

Stef: Exactly.

Stef: Julian didn’t get caught in the curtain either.

Stef: And suddenly the door squeaks.

Fiona: Yet Dick is getting to be heroic.

Stef: Foreshadowing for Julian being in plaster.

Stef: Pete only mentions the repeated flashing NOW.

Fiona: you followed Block to his room fgs.

[Breakfast. George is annoyed at missing all the fun and Timmy starts barking in the distance.]

Fiona: And you’re GIRLS.

Stef: Tiiiimmmmyyyyyyyy.

[Mr Lenoir: Do you think I am a fool?]

Stef: Yes you are a fool.

[Block hides badly behind a curtain and the Five go on the attack.]

Stef: So very very hidden.

Fiona: Do we think the actor is naturally that pale?

Fiona: Or is that a ton of makeup?

Fiona: It doesn’t look cakey.

Stef: Very loud whispering… Spose they think he’s deaf.

Stef: I think it’s makeup.

Fiona: Probably.

Fiona: Otherwise he probably wasn’t at all well.

Stef: Anne being told to stay back.

Fiona: Anne, you get to have good ideas but you don’t get to carry them out.

Stef: Chaos reigns.

Fiona: Control your dog, George!

Stef: Exactly.

Stef: That’s not a dog bite!

Fiona: I’m glad they included all that stuff. [Meaning Block getting attacked and Sooty/Pete pretending he may have bitten him.]

Fiona: They probably wouldn’t if it had been a one-parter.

[Uncle Quentin rings Lenoir to say he’s coming tomorrow, and he’s to stay in Pete’s room.]

Stef: That’s right, leave Fanny alone to deal with the house.

Fiona: The noise will be driving him mad.

Fiona: A house that massive and they’re running out of bedrooms.

Stef: Don’t they have enough rooms to give Quentin a different room?!

Stef: I know it’s plot but…

Fiona: It’s the opposite of those houses in soaps where all the waifs and strays move in.

[End credits]

Fiona: How is it George who ends up carrying Anne?