Having read the rather dreadful graphic novel adaptation of Five Go off in a Caravan recently this acted like a bit of a palate cleanser despite the deviations from the book.

---

[The Five walk – or in Julian’s case hobble – down a country lane to find their caravan has someone inside it, tossing things around. Dick warns whoever is in there that there are four of them to deal with.]

Stef [quoting Julian]: “Five as a matter of fact!”

Stef: At least we know the crutches come in handy.

Fiona: It’s more book accurate A Caravan. 

[It turns out to be Gertie the Goat in the caravan. Nobby turns up to turf her out and asks Julian how he broke his leg before he shows them the way to Merran Farm where his circus is camping.]

Fiona: Espionage??

Stef: Espionage?? Julian fell out of a tree.

Fiona: Try ‘playing football’, Marco

Fiona: (Is that right?)

Stef: Yes. It is. [Marco broke his leg playing football between filming series 1 and series 2.]

Stef: WHY IS BOBBY DRIVING THEIR CARAVAN?

Fiona: Because the actors weren’t trained/trusted?

Stef: Probably.

Fiona: They didn’t trust Marco not to break anything else.

Stef: Lol or Paul to try.

Fiona: Cringe @ ‘We’ll all be very polite, I promise’.

Stef: How can you promise everyone’s going to be polite when George hates anyone who hates Timmy?

Stef: Toffee nosed kids… It’s a circus!

Stef: Who visits the circus? Kids.

Stef: George’s turn for the garish pull over.

[Lou and Tiger Dan creep up on the kid’s caravan in the night.]

Fiona: Very bad night filming.

Stef: Dark filter probably.

Fiona: They’re crammed in [to the caravan beds] like sardines.

Fiona: Why do they wake Anne are they going to set her on the prowlers?

Stef: Lol she is a tiger.

Stef [quoting Tiger Dan]: “Young cockerel.”

Stef [quoting George as the men leave]: “Thanks to Timmy”? Julian did his best.

[The next morning the Five are on their way again, and Dan and Lou are glad. At their next stop the girls fetch water and Dick is fussing around the horse while Julian looks at a map on the stoop. ]

Fiona: How is Julian getting up onto that stoop in a cast?

Stef [referring to Dick here]: They’re pulling him up by his pullover!

Stef: Mostly not getting down I suspect. I wonder if people had to keep lifting Marco up and down.

Fiona: Maybe he had to film all his inside/on caravan scenes in one go.

Fiona: ‘You’re not coming down til it’s all done!!’

Stef: “One take or else!” “But I need the loo!”

Fiona: See he’s still up there.

Fiona: Chamber pot under one of the beds I bet.

Stef: Jemima obvs had enough training to do that little bit of driving.

[Dick and Anne go off to see the landowner about camping rights and food while George sees to the horse. Along the way Dick and Anne are stopped by Lou and Dan and invited back to camp by the circus.]

Stef: Ju Just sitting there with his arms crossed.

Stef: Couldn’t he be peeling spuds or something.

Fiona: I think I recognise the less spivvy of the two.

Fiona: Not sure where from. [I finally looked him up and it turns out he’s in an episode of Jonathan Creek.]

Stef: Lou or Dan?

Fiona: Dan.

Stef: I think he’s an established actor. [He is – 98 credits.]

[Back at camp they are having a picnic and discussing the strange behaviour of Lou and Dan. Then Dick jumps up and says ‘let’s go for a swim’.]

Fiona: They’ve let Julian down.

Stef: Lol. “Frreeeeddddoooommmmm”

Stef [quoting Julian]: “A swim!?”

Fiona: So sympathetic Dick. NOT.

Fiona: How is there a cave entrance under that caravan in the short grass. [Obviously I’d forgotten how this episode goes.]

Stef: No idea.

Stef: Maybe they weren’t allowed to dig a hole?

Stef: I still think that Jemima and Paul had a bit of a thing!

[Dick Jumps in, swims with the girls for a few seconds then they all rush to the shallows to splash Julian & Nobby. Meanwhile Lou and Dan snoop around the caravan.]

Fiona: ‘Quick get out the water it’s freeeeeezing!’

Stef: Dan is very much more like a proper villain.

[Nobby shows the children around the circus camp and then they go wash an elephant.]

Stef: Yes, there’s the goat you knew was in the circus…

Fiona: lol

Fiona: At least they have an actual elephant.

Stef: That’s the same caravan as in Wonderful Time.

Stef: Julian directing via crutch.

[They return to camp to show Nobby the caravan and Growler eats some meat that Lou left earlier.]

Stef: That’s not a happy Timmy.

Fiona: They’ve skimped on Nobby having two dogs.

Stef: IT’S A CARAVAN, NOBBY HAS PROBABLY SEEN ONE BEFORE!

Fiona: That was fast.

Stef: “Play dead.”

Fiona: Eww don’t touch it, Dick!

Stef: How do you know it’s poison?

Fiona [Putting words in Dick’s mouth]: ‘Here let me fondle the probably poisoned meat for ages.’

Stef: Could have been a seizure.

Fiona: TBF the same goes for the book.

Stef: True

[The Five have a council of war at the circus camp.]

Stef: Paul has a good line in cross faces.

Stef [quoting Julian again]: “I’ve got a plan.”

Stef: A cunning plan?

Fiona: Dick smirking and giving it away.

[Lou and Dan, thinking the children are away into town on the bus go to their camp site. Secretly Julian is watching them from the caravan.]

Fiona: Neither Lou or Dan are as scary as in the book.

Stef: No.

Stef: They are proper scary in the book.

Stef: Love the tuk tuk.

Fiona: Because you made them move from the circus!

Stef: Yes like they won’t notice the door opening!

Fiona: I was just wondering how Ju was going to get on the roof but of course he’s not.

Fiona: Because the cave is just ‘hidden’ in the trees.

Fiona: (You’d think I’ve never watched the show before.)

Stef: Nope tbh, even without the cast, not sure they’d have let him on the roof.

[Nobby emerges from near the secret cave and Julian emerges from the caravan. They go to explore and the others turn up soon after.]

Stef: Hop hop hop.

Fiona: Damn cut away before Julian climbed down.

[Julian: I hid in the caravan to find out what they are up to.]

Stef [quoting Nobby and then Julian]: “What are they up to?” “I don’t know.”

Fiona [starting off quoting Dick and then making up the rest]: ‘Come on what are we waiting for: I’m able bodied! I can go down! Let me be the hero!’

Stef [quoting Julian]: “No, not without me”. DON’T PLAY FOOTBALL THEN!

[Julian admits defeat and says he’ll be lookout while the others go underground.]

Fiona: Dick’s so excited to be promoted to leading brother.

Stef: He does like the role.

Stef: Keep a look out!

Fiona: Batter anyone who comes along with a crutch.

Stef: How would he even warn them.

Fiona: Those are the same caves as in Smuggler’s top.

Fiona: With the obvious very round hole.

Stef: And Kirrin Island again, and Demon’s Rocks.

Fiona: Is that Paul being excited to have a bigger role or him acting Dick being excited to have a bigger role? Or both?

Stef: Both?

[Julian is the worst look out in the history of look outs as he lets Lou climb past him while he’s saying “Dick? George?” and then lets himself be ambushed.]

Fiona: Come on Ju what sort of look out are you?

Stef: Overacting from Marco there.

Fiona: No clobbering whatsoever.

Stef: Lol, indeed.

Fiona: I’m worrying about his broken leg, though, with all that thrashing.

Stef: Nope, didn’t sit with his back to the rock to stop people sneaking up on him.

[The others are caught underground.]

Fiona: No goat with you to sneak a message out.

Stef: Lol just Timmy.

Fiona: It ain’t funny being a clown LOL.

Fiona: Actually laughed out loud at that.

Stef: “Ain’t funny being a clown”.

Stef: I snorted.

Stef: Nobby with a bump on the head.

Stef: Should have done that in the first place.

[Dick escapes and unties Julian, but Lou and Dan are after him.]

Fiona: Cut off before Dick brains them.

Stef: So smug the pair of them.

[The police arrest the pair of them and Anne asks if there’s a reward.]

Fiona: Jeez he must have hit them hard.

Stef: Lol

Stef: Didn’t think Anne was materialistic.

Stef: Suddenly Growler is better!

Fiona: Got to have a happy ending.

Stef: Mines just tried to put me on to Adventuring Again.

Fiona: It’s making me watch ‘I survived 100 days’ in some Minecraft world.

Stef: Oh Brodie…

Stef: At least mine’s a FF.

Fiona: What is next?

Fiona: Oh expert.

Stef: Kirrin Island Again

Stef: Fi, we’re doing them by the order of the books, you know damn well that KIA comes after Caravan 😂

Fiona: Oh.

Fiona: Haha yes sorry.

Fiona: For some reason I was thinking we were doing it in series order which I don’t know.

Stef: Well we’re not.

Fiona: I do know the order of at least the first six books off the top of my head.

Fiona: I forgot OK.

Fiona: My brain holds very little info these days.

Stef: Also because I don’t know the exact filming and airing order of the eps off the top of my head – not that I’m sure I ever knew it.

Fiona: [Yes I know I acknowledged that Julian’s broken leg came out of nowhere and that should have clued me in…]

Fiona: Really? there’s something about the 90s FF what you DON’T know?